Please tell me you can turn a person to chocolate,” Anadil asked Dot. “I have enough trouble with lentil cakes, thank you,” Dot nipped.

Might as well kill ourselves now, then,” Cinderella cracked. Agatha twirled to her. “Or kill you since you’re a vile, black-hearted beast who no one can stand!

Sometimes I wonder,” Merlin declared, licking a bit of mustard off his upper lip, “where exactly does the food come from? Is there a fourth dimension where a magic hat goes to fetch it? Or does it simply summon turkeys and bread out of thin air? In which case, what is this sandwich really made of?

Even fairy tales have limits,” said Sophie. “Three people can’t have an Ever After. Not without me being alone.

Anyone can poke holes in a story who doesn’t have the wits to write their own.

To be in a world of magic and romance and Goodness and then robbed back into drab, pointless life seemed so... wrong. I didn’t belong in a cottage lane with fifteen houses exactly like mine. I couldn’t marry some shopkeeper or cobbler’s boy and slog at the bakery each day just to feed our children. I wanted to find real happiness where The End didn’t mean getting old and useless and being crammed in a graveyard with everyone else.

I’m completely happy on my own, unattached and untroubled by the vagaries of love.

Well, my dear. At least you can say you’re even now.

First time I told my dad I liked a girl, he slathered me in honey and sealed me in a bear den for a night. Haven’t liked one since.” “First time I told my mother I fancied someone, she baked me in an oven for an hour,” Mona agreed, green skin paling. “I never think about boys now.” “First time I liked a boy, my dad killed him.” The group stopped and stared at Arachne. “Maybe Sophie just had bad parents,” she said.

Reaper?” Tedros blurted. “If you think for one second I’m allowing that Satan-worshipper in my castle – ” “Your castle? I thought it was our castle.” “Which means we get a pet we both like.” “No Reaper, no me.” “No you, then.” “You puffed-up, lily-livered, mule-headed – ” Agatha stopped and saw Sophie goggling at the two of them. “I really am better off, aren’t I?” said Sophie. All three of them burst into laughter.