Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering—and it's all over much too soon.

You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know.

I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer but I had some problems with buoyancy.

Eternity is boring, particular towards the end.

There's no substitute for a great love who says, 'No matter what's wrong with you, you're welcome at this table.'

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away – they make it into TV shows.

I am very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable as one's hat keeps blowing off.

He never made the ten-most-wanted list. It's very unfair voting. It's who you know.