There's depth in my comedy.

Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody’s minds.

Men and women are immigrants in each other’s worlds.

We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we’ve heard in fairy tales.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing – like showering.

After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn’t funny anymore.

In today’s society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.

A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia’s Soviet Union article? How original.

It’s kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

The ad in the paper said ‘Big Sale. Last Week.’ Why advertise? I already missed it. They’re just rubbing it in.