What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses...

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.