It is difficult batting in artificial light with a red ball but it's a horrible task for umpires to make a judgment.

Ed (Runge), you're the second best umpire in the league. The other twenty-three are tied for first.

Then when I reached college I realized that many people had thought about the problem during the 18th and 19th centuries and so I studied those methods.

The umpire had comical news. The congregation had been theoretically spotted from the air by a theoretical enemy. They were all theoretically dead now. The theoretical corpses laughed and ate a hearty noontime meal.

Somebody has to keep score and I decided I was going to do it. I'm a born score-keeper and I realize, like an umpire, that my decisions may cause distress.

I don't give a damn about the stock market. But I do care about jobs.

I am deeply saddened and shocked at the loss of umpire Wally Bell.

In the land of my birth I cannot vote, whereas a young person of eighteen can vote. And why? Because he or she possesses that wonderful biological attribute - a white skin.

Of the twenty-two civilizations that have appeared in history, nineteen of them collapsed when they reached the moral state the United States is in now.

Cardinal rule for all hitters with two strikes on them: Never trust the umpire.