32 Quotes by Chuck Lorre

What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits'? Does he provide her with health insurance?

For the record, I do have genitals; and they are functional and aesthetically pleasing.

According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon.

Is my coitus whimsically inventive?

I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.

I am a man of science, not someone's snuggle-bunny!

Don't forget that you are the product of a culture that went stark raving mad about ten thousand years ago. Adjust your thinking accordingly.

I believe that the Laws of Karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis.

For every man that ever walked the Earth, except maybe the sociopaths, when it comes to talking to pretty girls... it's just stark terror.