144 Quotes by Fred Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.