438 Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, Is that y'all's piano? I said, No, that's our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here's Your Sign.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.