368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

I'm really happy. I just don't choose to show it.

Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

Blind people can stay up longer than someone with eyes.

I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.

Your dreams should never be better than your real life

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.