305 Quotes by Mike Birbiglia

...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

We joke about things we're most anxious about to diffuse the anxiety of the actual threat.

Jokes have been ruined by people who aren't good at telling jokes. A joke should never end with 'I'm joking.

A joke without comedic timing is a statement of pure insanity.

I think of prayers like tech support. Unless I get a person live on the phone, I’m not sure it’s getting to anybody.

The list of fun and easily fixed brain diseases is very short.

I think if you live in Brooklyn and you order pizza from a Dominos, you're a loser. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell, but I believe if you order a Brooklyn Dominos pizza, you're going to Hell. This is based in scripture.

Pizza is a Band Aid for so many problems.