4 Quotes by Philip Rivera

And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finallylost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned thatNetflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill.And if you’re just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence.

One day, I’m going to start a minivan gang. That’ll show these Sons of Anarchy.We would be called the Sons of Suburbia and our Suburban Steel Stallions, with high MPG, multiple airbags, cup holders and designer car safety seats, would rule the highways… and the preschool pickup line.

It was like a nightclub rave… at 10 am… for moms and toddlers… in a library.

...imagine you’re minding your own business, walking down the mall, looking for the perfect beard comb. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a midget ninja jumps out from behind one of those shiatsu massage chairs and rapid punches you in the stomach and lower back.