61 Quotes by Richard Belzer

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

There are those in positions of power who malign the pursuit of justice by intentionally associating the word “conspiracy” with the delirious hallucinations of unbalanced minds. They’re wrong. The real-world definition of conspiracy is simply two or more persons agreeing to commit a crime. In short, they are everywhere, a constant component of daily events throughout our history, and are by no means the restless imaginings of an over-attentive audience.

If you tell a lie that’s big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you’re telling the truth, even if what you’re saying is total crap.

It’s this patronizing thing that people have about if you’re against the war everyone’s lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, they’re not war experts.

What am I grateful for? Aside from my own great life, you mean? I’m just grateful that my wife, and daughter, and dogs are all healthy.

In the three-year period which followed the murder of President Kennedy and Lee Harvey Oswald, 18 material witnesses died:.

I’ve known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

History will not absolve us if we do not, once and for all, reveal all that is known about the greatest, most tragic murder mystery in American History. After all, 90 percent of the American people believe that there was a conspiracy to assassinate John F. Kennedy.

Lee infiltrated the plot to kill President Kennedy, was set up as the patsy, and was then murdered to protect the real assassins by silencing him.