7 Quotes by Shea Serrano

It was a full-time job that paid like a part-time job.

A fast note about Ice-T's autobiography: There's a section where he tells a story about hanging out with Flavor Flav that involves going to Red Lobster in a Ferrari. I suspect the phrase "going to Red Lobster in a Ferrari" is the most accurate description of Flavor Flav anyone will ever come up with.

I want to marry his smile, and if his smile is already married to someone else, then I want to marry his eyebrows and eyes. They're remarkable. Nobody's ever made better use of his or her eyes or eyebrows as a rapper than Kurtis Blow.

Why the name change, Mr. Hard?’ the country clerk asked as he prepared to stamp the eight-year-old John’s paperwork official. ‘It’s just two little letters,’ the clerk said with a smile. ‘And where are your parents, anyway?’ John took the toothpick he was chewing out of his mouth. ‘Just stamp the fucking paper,’ he said, then he flicked the toothpick at the clerk. John Harder was born.

So in a six-minute stretch we see display fearlessness, tenacity, intelligence, savvy, a firm allegiance to team, assertiveness, toughness, and a willingness to obliterate a man in front of the woman that man's supposed to marry. Jim Halpert [The Office] is a winner.

Rule NO 3 [of the Fictional Basketball Player Draft]: Rick Fox isn't allowed to participate in any capacity. There's no real reason for this rule other than pettiness. In all actuality, his character from "OZ", a superstar-NBA-player-turned-felon named Jackson Vahue, would've probably gone very high in the draft. It's just that I don't like Rick Fox, is all. So he ain't invited.

My favorite thing is to imagine Elle meeting up with some of her friends a few weeks after her fight with Beatrix and someone asking her what happened to her one good eye and Elle saying that it was yanked out and then one of her friends being like, “Again?!