149 Quotes by Spike Milligan

Money! Father Rudden had tried everything to raise funds to repair the church, he even went to the bank. 'Don't be a fool, Father!' said the manager, 'Put that gun down.' Money!

(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

The youngest member of this ageing community was ex-variety artiste, Patrick L. Balls. Fifty-nine now, he spent out his remaining years pulling a rope lift and bottling fruit. He had once whistled Ave Maria for Queen Victoria. She wasn't present at the time, but nevertheless that's who he was whistling it for.

Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,I'll draw a sketch of thee.What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.