9 Quotes by Tom Ellen

My phone started flashing on the bed. I looked at the screen, then looked up. "Fuck.""Who is it?" Negin frowned. "Why do you look so scared?""Oh my god, is it ISIS?" Frankie yelled."Yes, it's ISIS," Negin yelled back. "They always phone Phoebe before they strike.

Wow." Josh stopped and ran a hand over his shaved head. "I mean, yeah, there's no beating that. That's the Usain Bolt of embarrassing texts. That's made me feel a lot better, actually.""Oh, good. Great. Glad my shit-show of a life could be of service.

What should I do?" I turned to Negin."I don't know.""Are you a doctor or not?" I screeched."As I have said a thousand times, I won't be a doctor for seven years.

It's fucking Donald Trump-level wankerdom.

Phones have caused all my uni dramas to date. You wouldn't catch Elizabeth Bennet sending a comedy guinea pig picture to Darcy. She'd have to paint it and then send it by horseman.

So when she's just a random girl from school you don't give her a second look, but as soon as she accidentally informs you that she wants to jump your bones, you're suddenly in love with her. Men are such predictable twats, honestly."I didn't bother arguing with that, because, to be fair, she had a point.

Hang on, You've been basing your whole life since you were eleven on the incorrect assumption that lobsters mate for life?

The niche stuff is the best stuff.

No wonder I've never been in love, I'm too busy day-dreaming about it.