330 Quotes by W. C. Fields

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.