I've never been fucked by a spider lady.

4 months and I outlive Jesus!

You know you're a made man when you've found a job you're so passionate about that the world's sexiest women are undressing themselves in front of you and they've still got to put in all the work if they want to get laid.

It's always rewarding watching your homeboys get decapitated.

Come on, ho. Let's elope.

I've never been more excited to murder my wife.

The best birth control is pregnancy.

If there's one thing I have, my friends, it's a gigantic pair of balls and those balls produce sperm that makes amazing, responsible, loving and kind, but ridiculously courageous and tough, badass children. Just sayin', just sayin', because I speak in facts and there are four facts that I need to state and they are one word each: Jayden, Jaxson, Owen and Finley.

I now pronounce you all dead as fuck. You may now suck my dick