I don’t need a personal trainer… I need someone to stalk me and threaten to kick my ass when I eat and drink stuff I’m not supposed to!

They are not grey roots! This is my new fifty shades of grey OMBRE hairstyle!

How is it that food STILL contains calories that make you gain weight in the 21st CENTURY?! It’s like scientists aren’t even trying!

I suffer from CLAUSTROPHOBIA, a fear of closed spaces.For example, I’m petrified that the WINE store will be closed before I have time to get there!!!

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, COFFEE and acceptance…The SIX stages of waking up!!

Asking me to do ANYTHING before I’ve had my first cup of coffee should be an episode on 1000 Ways to DIE.

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up!

WINE! Because these problems aren’t going to forget THEMSELVES!

MOMB - noun - One who can deal with all of the INSANITY of being a MOM... Because she's the BOMB!