Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?