Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco