A deadly fact: You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.

I wonder if one of the greatest lessons of our generation will be that ironic detachment is not an inherently neutral stance; that humor is not necessarily benevolent; that viewing anything and everything as a joke doesn't make you stronger or wiser, but exactly the opposite.

Perfect time to worry about important things like how stupid was Cinderella to leave a shoe behind. Who the fuck does that?

To understand my posts, you need a higher sense of humor and lower expectations..!!

Twice a day I change the time on my broken clock, my contrarian streak forcing me to ensure that it's never right.

I sometimes tell people about my Christmas and New Year's Eve plans just to make them jealous of the life that I don't have.

Boss asked if I was ready for more responsibility. I'm eating around a sticker on an apple cause I'm too lazy to peel it off so I guess no.

You want to lose weight and weight doesn't want to lose you...Relationships are so complicated.