fetish: (n.) anything, such as the stock market, falsely believed by primitive peoples to possess divine, magical or supernatural qualities.

Dowist: (n.) blind believer in the stock market.

hospital: (n.) where the healthy go to get misdiagnosed and the sick go to get mistreated.

waffle: (n.) breakfast of politicians.

genetically modified organism (GMO): (n.) member of the public who has regularly consumed the biotech industry’s food products.

True, beneath the human façade, I was an interloper, an alien whose ship had crashed beyond hope of repair in the backwoods of Southern Appalachia—but at least I’d learned to walk and talk enough like the locals to be rejected as one of their own.

bathroom: (n.) where Americans go to argue about gender while the country goes down the toilet.

global warming: (n.) result of excessive hot-air emissions by climate scientists.