Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!

I've died before. It was boring, so I stood up.

At the departure gate, a drunken airport security woman was handing out box cutters to the passengers.

You know what it's like, finding eight middle-aged guys having tantric sex with ostriches?

Fuck you . . . you fucking body-dysmorphia porn-addict trust-fund-baby compulsive-masturbation motherfucker.

[. . .] a super-rat. I nailed it across the eyes once with a lucky shot with the butt of my gun, but it got up again and shat in my telephone.