1,680 Quotes About Comedy

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

We got there without being spotted. I pulled her in, then shut the door, pressing my back to it and exhaling like an epileptic pilot who'd just landed a cargo plane full of dynamite.

I’m making a list of when it’s acceptable for a pirate to cry. […] So far I’ve got: one - when holding a seagull covered in oil. Two - when singing a shanty that reminds him of orphans. Three - when confronted with the unremitting loneliness of the human condition. Four - chops. I’ve just written the word ‘chops’. Not really sure where I was going with that one. Any ideas?

Even as zombies, ridiculous prom gowns were the downfall of teenage girls, crippling them at the knees.

Love? Love is for children and poor people...

You know, I'm really starting to hate the insect life around here. Next time, remind me to bring a can of Off!

If you don't want me to attend the patient I'll go.''But she can't see a doctor now.''Why not?''She isn't well.

Excuse me, I must go and putt

Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.'Go to hell!' said Bill.'Right-ho,' said his lordship.