1,680 Quotes About Comedy

My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes.

It’s like George always says: being in a rock ʼn’ roll band is very sexy, even when you’re only the keyboard player and your idea of the perfect Saturday night actually amounts to a bubble bath, a Richard Curtis boxset and a seafood linguine.

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, sociallyspeaking.

He immediately went down with a thud and I was pretty certain most of the furniture in the room jumped when he landed.

There was no way to have a civilized conversation with that guy. It's like he was raised by giraffes or something.

Whoa, don't assume, dude," Marco said. "My mom always said, when you assume you make an ass of u and me--

You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.'Ford was running after him. Very very fast.'And then I will do it again!' yelled Arthur, 'And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them!

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert