1,680 Quotes About Comedy

It almost boosts your self-esteem being screamed at by someone with an English accent.

And never farting pointed to guilt in the courthouse of my mind.

If it's impossible to understand how I could kick a weeping, torn-in-half cog that was gushing something that looked like tapioca pudding and whale semen on my nice shiny space suit, then you probably never kicked a car for getting a flat tire, or slapped a television remote when the batteries were getting weak, in which case you'll never understand what it means or meant to be a human.

I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Shoot the dictator and prevent the war? But the dictator is merely the tip of the whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators emerge; shoot one, and there’ll be another one along in a minute. Shoot him too? Why not shoot everyone and invade Poland? In fifty years’, thirty years’, ten years’ time the world will be very nearly back on its old course. History always has a great weight of inertia.

She spoke with all the authority vested in her by her flea-market prayer beads and her lotus-flower tramp stamp.

The mark of a poor comedian is not making the other person laugh. The mark of a worse comedian is asking if the person got it.

Sin more! Otherwise Jesus died for nothing.

Luckily, I was not born a white man.**This has never before been said in the history of humanity.