1,680 Quotes About Comedy

If I could go back and say one thing to my younger self it would be: YOU ARE NOT FAT.

At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really its coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to rain?'Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and looked up into it.'No, I don't think it is,' he said: 'at least - not under here. Nohow.''But it may rain outside?''It may - if it chooses,' said Tweedledee: 'we've got no objection. Contrariwise.

Time heals all wounds. Unless they're infected. Like gangrene. That shit'll kill you.

I just looked at the calendar and realized- my days are numbered

Your tills are talking to me and want me to take them home. Does this often happen?

Tria finally slumped to the ground “I swear I'm sick of falling into pits and swamps...” “Hey, upside is you're not dead yet so win win.” Ingra said cheerfully.

Yes, we will marry you!” she exclaimed.

Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?''There's the tree in the middle,' said the Rose:'what else is it good for?''But what could it do, if any danger came?' Alice asked.'It could bark,' said the Rose.

Your fortune teller cursed me. Foul spirits haunt every supermarket I go to. I can't show my face in Morrisons.