286 Quotes About Funny-but-true

It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.

No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles.

Lazy people fact: #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read this^ number.

Sex is like pizza: if you're going to use BBQ sauce, you better know what the fuck you're doing.

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.

Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.

Ish #21 "Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat!