5,226 Quotes About Humour

Something a bit less brown this time, please?All this talk of dung, you see, has rather put me off the Kahlua...

Karate Jesus: Karate Jesus. So, if God created the universe, and Jesus is a part of God, and Karate is part of the universe, then Jesus invented Karate! It’s Karate Jesus bruh!

To comedians and humorists, God is laugh.

She whispers in my ear: ‘"Tell me that you wan' fuck me hard, make me sweat." In the excitement, she misses out a word. "I want to fuck you so hard that your body drips with sweat," I say, grammatically.

What these sounds mean, he thought, is: I am alive and so are you. And we're all very worried that we might not be alive for much longer, so we'll just keep talking, because that's better than thinking.

You have to make choices even when there is nothing to choose from.

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

The rabbit is one of the few animals that (de facto) enjoys screwing: after copulating it does a backward flip and drums on the ground. If it could light up a fag, it would no doubt do that too, and blow smoke rings into the sky.

The Americans have perfected weather forecasts: a model presents a model of the Earth, a map, and jabs at it with her pointer – here and here, this is going to happen. Voodoo.