5,226 Quotes About Humour

Could this underwear pass as a swimming costume? Perhaps. Is there such a thing as a Y-front swimming costume? Probably.

I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience.

Having a funny laugh is in most cases a consolation prize for not being funny.

We'll see what you find out," Stew said. "You'll find out what it feels like to be thrown from a speeding train to the rocky bottom of a drained sea. Except you won't really find out, because you'll be dead. Get it? What I mean is, it'll kill you when I throw you from this train so you'll be in no state to find out what it feels like. Get it? Due to your death by falling from a train.

Digging through trash, really? That’s low, even for you Elliot,” I tease.

Your body wages biological warfare on me.

Comedians are the most ruthless critics in the world.

They give you a colouring book and some crayons, and tell you, be creative...but don't go outside the lines.

I don't want something that's good for headaches. I want something that's bad for headaches. And good for me.