504 Quotes About Joke

Hey, do you mind not squeezing my head off. I remember how powerful those thighs are.

-Megan I. Tennant

  • Author Kiyohiko Azuma
  • Quote

    (Sakaki and Osaka lying on towels at the beach)...Osaka: You know them Hemmorrhoids...Sakaki: ...Eh? =-OOsaka: Some folks call 'em "Hemorrhoids", but others call 'em "Roids".Why does the one not have an "H" in it? Which one's right?Sakaki: ......Osaka: Would it be under "H" or "R" in the dictionary?Sakaki: ...I don't know. =/

  • Tags
    #awkward #joke #laughing
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(Sakaki and Osaka lying on towels at the beach)...Osaka: You know them Hemmorrhoids...Sakaki: ...Eh? =-OOsaka: Some folks call 'em "Hemorrhoids", but others call 'em "Roids".Why does the one not have an "H" in it? Which one's right?Sakaki: ......Osaka: Would it be under "H" or "R" in the dictionary?Sakaki: ...I don't know. =/

-Kiyohiko Azuma

What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or somebody is going to think we’re nuts.

-Kyung-Sook Shin

  • Author Chuck Bridges
  • Quote

    Bad things can be funny like breaking a leg for good luck. Problem is that for everyone laughing there is still someone who didn't get it.

  • Tags
    #joke
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Bad things can be funny like breaking a leg for good luck. Problem is that for everyone laughing there is still someone who didn't get it.

-Chuck Bridges

  • Author Svetlana Alexievich
  • Quote

    Гуляет по лесу дракон. Встретил медведя. «Медведь, — говорит дракон, — у меня в восемь часов ужин. Приходи — я тебя съем». Идет дальше. Бежит лиса. «Лиса, — говорит дракон, — у меня в семь утра завтрак. Приходи — я тебя съем». Идет дальше. Скачет заяц. «Стой, заяц, — говорит дракон, — у меня в два часа обед. Приходи — я тебя съем». — «У меня вопрос», — поднял заяц лапу. — «Давай». — «Можно не приходить?» — «Можно. Я тебя вычеркиваю из списка». Но мало кто способен задать такой вопрос… Бляааа!

  • Tags
    #joke #totalitarianism
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Гуляет по лесу дракон. Встретил медведя. «Медведь, — говорит дракон, — у меня в восемь часов ужин. Приходи — я тебя съем». Идет дальше. Бежит лиса. «Лиса, — говорит дракон, — у меня в семь утра завтрак. Приходи — я тебя съем». Идет дальше. Скачет заяц. «Стой, заяц, — говорит дракон, — у меня в два часа обед. Приходи — я тебя съем». — «У меня вопрос», — поднял заяц лапу. — «Давай». — «Можно не приходить?» — «Можно. Я тебя вычеркиваю из списка». Но мало кто способен задать такой вопрос… Бляааа!

-Svetlana Alexievich

CUT!...Cut......FUCKING CUT IT!....Where is the fucking screenplay?

-Deyth Banger

  • Author Teresa Medeiros
  • Quote

    Me mum always told me the rich was blessed, but I thought she was talkin' about gold." She leaned over to cackle in his ear, then actually patted him on the head as if he was some slavering lapdog. "You might have escaped the gallows, lad, but you was already well hung.

  • Tags
    #funny #joke
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Me mum always told me the rich was blessed, but I thought she was talkin' about gold." She leaned over to cackle in his ear, then actually patted him on the head as if he was some slavering lapdog. "You might have escaped the gallows, lad, but you was already well hung.

-Teresa Medeiros

It was late when father and the Duke tracked me down feigning surprise that I was in the usual place every time as if it was a game they played, “Where’s Rose? Why, growing in her usual spot!

-E L Parfitt

  • Author Peter Hook
  • Quote

    Adidas produced a limited-edition pair of Haçienda trainers, designed by Yohji Yamamoto (Saville has worked with Yohji since the late 1980s, creating his catalogues and advertisements).They retailed for £345 but people queued up from midnight just to be first through the doors to buy a pair. The shoes disappeared in twenty minutes - all soled out.

  • Tags
    #joke
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Adidas produced a limited-edition pair of Haçienda trainers, designed by Yohji Yamamoto (Saville has worked with Yohji since the late 1980s, creating his catalogues and advertisements).They retailed for £345 but people queued up from midnight just to be first through the doors to buy a pair. The shoes disappeared in twenty minutes - all soled out.

-Peter Hook

 

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