Once upon a time there was a twat. It was you. The end. -Meme

Nothing compares to taking your bra off after a long day. -Things men will never know or understand

I started my day waking up in a pool of my own blood. Is that how you'd like to end yours?" -Lenore, period day 1.

I had the sense of direction of a lame duck that couldn’t follow the flock in front of him to get to where he needed to be.

Be a unicorn, not a twatapotamus.

I don't have a step daughter. I have a daughter that was born before I met her.

I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my comforter up last night. If that doesn't accurately sum up my day, I don't know what does." - Apple to Ridley

If it has tires or testicles, it's going to give you problems.

When you make sure you’re on the same page with someone, also make sure you are in the same book, and all parties know how to read. -Words of wisdom

Adulthood is like looking both ways to cross a street only to get hit by a falling object. Unpredictable and headache inducing." - fact of life.