76 Quotes by Aaron Kyle Andresen

Though I failed to remain faithful to the woman I married originally in 2004, I will never resign myself to repeating the same mistakes again. A coward would do that, and I am no coward.

You know what the most profound lesson I learned in 33 years was? Just talk to every single person like they're either your sister or your brother and that incest is not illegal and you can succeed in any social relationship.

I will show my progeny that I am a loving man that was raised by beautiful, kind people, and that though I have a dark, flawed side, the beautiful heart inside of me has always gravitated toward good and our Higher Being’s grace much like I know my ancestors’ hearts and those that came before them did, as well.

The best birth control is pregnancy.

If there's one thing I have, my friends, it's a gigantic pair of balls and those balls produce sperm that makes amazing, responsible, loving and kind, but ridiculously courageous and tough, badass children. Just sayin', just sayin', because I speak in facts and there are four facts that I need to state and they are one word each: Jayden, Jaxson, Owen and Finley.

I now pronounce you all dead as fuck. You may now suck my dick

Pie is the future.

Can we hurry up and get some black subscribers, so we don't look so racist?

Smile! You're on 'Candid Fuck-Off'!