9 Quotes by Cory O'Brien

See, this is what the United States of America is all about.You can wrestle a thousand bears and chew on a billion knives but in the end, you are only as good as the dude who stops you from dying of a gunshot while fucking a coyote.

OH DAMN LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IS HAVING A PARTY. TIME TO TRANSFER THE ENTIRE LIQUOR CONTENT OF THAT PARTY INTO MY BODY.

And since then, the world has been at peaceexcept for all the guerilla wars and terrorismand gang violence and covert opsand random shelling across national bordersand arms races and air strikesand the death penalty and American Gladiatorsbut that's just what we like to call"the spice of life.

Like, a flood seems like a great way to punish every living creature in the world except for fish. What the hell is a god supposed to do when all the FISH start being assholes?

So Isis shows up in Byblos like "Hey queen my husband is embedded in your palace may I please extract him?"And the queen is like "sure, go ahead. It's not like he's a major structural support or anything, right?" and Isis is like "haha, sucker".And she goes and removes the pillar WITHOUT DAMAGING THE PALACE AT ALLThus inventing Jenga.

[...]when everybody starts laughing at Ra's old hair and senility he gets real pissed and when you are a god and you are real pissed there is only one solution, my friends: GENOCIDE.

So Loki(the god of being a needless prick all the time)

and Thor really likes hair, I guessso he gets SUPER ANGRYand he chases down Loki and is like "Heyhow about I cut of all of your FACE?!"and Loki is like "But I need my facefor making infuriating smirks with!

So basicallybe careful never to be too awesomeor you will be mysteriously executedjust like Martin Luther Kingand Gandhiand Abraham Lincolnand JFKand Malcolm Xand Sitting Bulland Crazy Horseand... wowwhy are we so mean to our best people?