339 Quotes by Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.