4 months and I outlive Jesus!

You know you're a made man when you've found a job you're so passionate about that the world's sexiest women are undressing themselves in front of you and they've still got to put in all the work if they want to get laid.

Come on, ho. Let's elope.

You know what the most profound lesson I learned in 33 years was? Just talk to every single person like they're either your sister or your brother and that incest is not illegal and you can succeed in any social relationship.

The best birth control is pregnancy.

If there's one thing I have, my friends, it's a gigantic pair of balls and those balls produce sperm that makes amazing, responsible, loving and kind, but ridiculously courageous and tough, badass children. Just sayin', just sayin', because I speak in facts and there are four facts that I need to state and they are one word each: Jayden, Jaxson, Owen and Finley.

I now pronounce you all dead as fuck. You may now suck my dick

Pie is the future.

Can we hurry up and get some black subscribers, so we don't look so racist?