Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.

You fill my sombrero with sexual pudding!

I stomped to the door, which was dumb because nobody can hear teenagers stomping in space. What's the point stopping if no one can hear you?

It almost boosts your self-esteem being screamed at by someone with an English accent.

And never farting pointed to guilt in the courthouse of my mind.

If it's impossible to understand how I could kick a weeping, torn-in-half cog that was gushing something that looked like tapioca pudding and whale semen on my nice shiny space suit, then you probably never kicked a car for getting a flat tire, or slapped a television remote when the batteries were getting weak, in which case you'll never understand what it means or meant to be a human.

Clocks are as pointless on the Tennessee as poets are on Earth.

Santa Claus is a lie but if you think that's bad, check out what 'fuck' really means.

You know, if they ever gave a Nobel Prize for avoiding work, every year some white guy in Iowa would get a million bucks and a trip to Sweden.