98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.

In order to make them overlook our greed, or to make us seem less greedy than we are, we sometimes remind some people that, if and when we catch it, the wealth that we are relentlessly chasing would enable us to help a lot of poor people.

Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.

You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.

Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.

We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.

Most sexually adventurous women want a man who regards cunnilingus as a basic woman right.