168 Quotes About Comedian

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

We try to stay as thin as possible - which also keeps us weak. When you’re skinny, you have no body fat; when you have no body fat, you’re cold all the time; when you’re cold all time, you stay inside; and when you stay inside... you don’t vote. I may be joking about that last part... but I’m not totally wrong. Ever stop to think that by keeping women eternally preoccupied with superficialities that we might be missing out in important thinks in life?

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker,

An assumption is the joke; truth the punchline.

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

What is she doing here? I wondered. Hasn't she had enough green-upping?

Ricky Gervais, Louis CK, Anthony Jeselnik and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.

You hate a subject… you hate a topic… didn't you learn something as comedian... IN SCHOOL?

My ship came in,then it sank!