316 Quotes About Funny-and-random

My imaginary pal up there, Mr. NOT, tells me it's my dog-damn ism to kick your illusory he-man's ass. Now, what do you say to that?

Believe you me, I am all for you; and wish you well - for you to go to hell.

Believe you me, I love all - just not people.

I suppose I could get a job to have something to do, but working when I don't have to work would be like pulling a straight and healthy tooth -- pointless and extremely painful."--David Palmer

I've purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping.

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

IN MY DEFENSE, I didn’t mean to start the Apocalypse. It wasn’t just my personal aversion to oblivion; I had a clear financial motive: The end of the world is bad for business.

It is the end of the world. Surely you could be allowed a few carnal thoughts.

You don't like Blue, do you?""No," Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject."I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over.