316 Quotes About Funny-and-random

Following his rant littered with narcissism, she calmly responded, '...You have quite the little ego, don't you?' And with little thought, he then quickly retorted, 'What do you mean 'little'!?

I’m sure ‘waiting in the dark for people,’ was on the list of things royal tutors teach not to do.

If you don't cut it out, I'm pulling this car over and everyone in the parking lot at Sizzler's is going to know my name.

I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug.Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep.

And what the hell does that even mean? Why would you serve food for thoughgs, and what kind of food? If you serve spinach, do you get healthy thoughts? If it's ice cream and candy, it is fun thoughts? Why do we say stupid things?

I showed him the Post-it. “You see They’re from Lily.”“Who’s Lily?”“Some girl.”“Ooh... a girl!”“Boomer, we’re not in third grade anymore. You don’t say, ‘Ooh... a girl!’”“What? You fucking her?”“Okay, Boomer, you’re right. I liked ‘Ooh... a girl!’ much more than that. Let’s stick with ‘Ooh... a girl!

If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself.

Imogene always sitson the remote. It’s probably wedged between her butt cheeks.”“Should I go get a crowbar?

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.