289 Quotes About Funny-humor

The thing with politicians is that though they spit differently yet they shit similarly.

All men, at some level or the other, are liars. Fortunately there is a cure. They can all become a fine creature, provided their nuts are taken off with pliers.

Oh hell, yeah! It is rather good to be un-dead. You my dear friend, are welcome to be otherwise instead.

Please pardon me if I have somehow overlooked you. Normally I am rather conscientious about all jokes. I apologize if I have yet not gotten to you. I will, soon. So, please don't lose faith in me. Or my jokes.

If your god is more screwed up than you, then, by Jove, how cuckoo must be you!

Ooh, big day in town for our park warden,” I said. “They’re even making you wear the uniform.Hayley’s mom will be happy. She thinks you look hot in it.”Dad turned as red as his hair.Mom’s laugh floated out from her studio. “Maya Delaney. Leave your father alone.

A rascal at any age is a rogue. Till the time he dies of old age.

We were both chilled from the rain and as hungry as wolves. Over a fine meal of oysters, cappeletti alla cortigiana and orecchiette with tomatoes, anchovies and eggplant served with a crisp dry chablis, we discussed our plans, if not for immortality, at least for defying the eroding qualities of time.

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.