I’m not friends with Adam. Trust me, that man is as useful as a tape worm and as appealing as a raging case of syphilis.

Growing up, my guardians refused to tell me what horny meant. As I got a little older, they forbid me to use it, along with any other word that was remotely sexual in nature. That pretty much set the tone of my whole young adulthood. I swore that when I grew up I would use that word as often and whenever possible as my way of rebelling against the powers that be. So in honor of that vow to myself: Horny, horny, horny!

Death by bush,” I whisper.“What did you say?” Dylan asks confused.“The last thing that man saw before he almost died was my bush.

Her curvy hips and small waist, her perfectly sized breasts and round ass are imploring me to corrupt every inch of her. Her decadent body was built to be fucked in the most scandalous and wanton ways imaginable and I’m just the man to do it.

With my tongue buried deep in her sweet cunt, I mumble, “Yes, you’re definitely the girl for the job.

You can’t even begin to fathom the amount of fucks I do not give about what you want.

Just because you’re my Princess doesn’t mean I won’t fuck you like a slut.

I’m happy to see that we’re stopping to eat some dinner, since we didn’t actually eat lunch today. Instead we just argued, I pouted, slapped him, bojo’d him, and then I came like a freight train. I’ve had a very busy day.

Before I can stop myself I throw my half-eaten banana at him and it hits him on the back of his neck.He spins around, wipes his neck and looks down at the banana on the floor."Did you really just fruitally assault me?

That was some powerful shit. Like mind and pussy-numbing, fuckilepsy inducing, reproductive organ-exploding powerful. You really are some kind of flogger wielding sex God.