No, I'm not the best writer in the world, my grammar skills won't please every English literature student and I refuse to use the thesaurus on my laptop to make out I'm a writer who has swallowed a dictionary, but I do offer love and loyalty to those people who enjoy what I do.

It's weird, because if it's an acceptance letter, then I'm supposed to look happy for her, yet if it's a rejection, I've got to cuddle her and pretend I'm not happy about it, yet in my head, I know it's all the other way around for me.

This girl was so hot, that even if one of your friends slept with her, you would have ended up gloating about it yourself for him.

Have you arrived at your happy day by day yet, or are you waiting for a happy ending that will never actually arrive? There's no happy ever after – Only, happy right now!

Rebound sex is fine when you want to rebound and bounce back in life, but when you only want to bounce back into a bed with your ex-girlfriend, rebound sex would only ever turn out to be a regrettable thing

I will confidentially shove that confidentiality agreement up your confident secret keeping arse in a minute Rose!

It's just crazy, isn't it? Here she sits at a table, like butter wouldn't melt, yet in my ear, I'm the one that's melting like butter!

It's not blind people who are blind - It's those racist arseholes who see a colour with their eyes wide open, then have a fucking problem with it

How is having sex with her for real, going to make me feel any less nervous about faking it up in front of ten sodding cameramen later on?

Shit – I was going to do it, I didn't want to do it, yet now she's said I don't have to do it, yet wants me to do it again, I don't actually know if I want to do it anymore.