675 Quotes by Darynda Jones

He turned the corner and flipped me off at the same time. See? Men could multitask. I was so proud of him.

Bacon: Duct tape for food.

Life isn't a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.

He took a long draw then asked, “What’d I do?”“You knew about the guy threatening my dad?”He paused, shifted in his chair, so freaking busted, it wasn’t funny. “They told you?”“Why, no, Swopes, they didn’t. Instead, they waited until the guy knocked the fuck out of my dad and readied him for spaceflight with duct tape then tried to kill me with a butcher’s knife.

Insanity takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Trust me. You can dance.- VODKA

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re done. —T-SHIRT

Have you slept yet?''Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.''Didn't you drive there?''Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'- Charley & Cookie

I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.”“I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet yourstepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?