64 Quotes About Cynical-humor

It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes.

They tugged plans and ambitions out their asses and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit.

People are either silly asses, or ass*oles. Mostly, just silly ass*oles. Choose! Hard place, or hell hole!

Yeah, since you love such a hateful religion that demands killing people of other faiths, I know you're a good person. Oh hell, yeah.

Before you call a spade a spade, dig a big hole for yourself.

I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.

Didn't Chains tell you about the Golden Theological Principle?""The what?""The single congruent aspect of every known religion. The one shared, universal assumption about the human condition.""What is it?""He said that life boils down to standing in line to get shit dropped on your head. Everyone's got a place in the queue, you can't get out of it, and just when you start to congratulate yourself on surviving your dose of shit, you discover that line is actually circular.

Life's a jumble of farce and melodrama, the chaotic scribbling of a third-rate penny-a-liner. We mock it to keep from going mad--or at least to display our good taste.

-Would you wish us to invest it for you?-No, I would like you to set up a trust for dumb animals.-What kind of dumb animals do you have in mind, Miss Donahue?-Oh, stray dogs. Rats. Birds.-We could still invest it for you. Then the animals would get the income without touching the capital.-No, I don't wish to invest it. I don't want them to get rich. They might become human.