286 Quotes About Funny-but-true

Testosterone Autism: The person beset by this ailment....develops an interest in various tools and machinery, and he's drawn to the Second World War and the biographies of famous people, mainly politicians and villains.

The worst part about being sick is not getting any sympathy from my wife. She says I have the "man-flu." The Urban Dictionary defines "man-flu" as "an illness that causes the male to be completely helpless and sicker than any other family member." In females it is known as a cold.

If you can't handle me when I'm broke, then you sure as Hell don't deserve me when I get my $600 check.

With all due respect to Women's Empowerment, in this pandemic there has been a little tug of war between my daughter and me to get the wifi connection for our classes.

I am not pointing fingers, but rather pointing at the facts, as the facts point fingers, regardless

Honestly, the term 'cougar' perplexes me, making me wonder why men don't have a spirit animal, thinking 'old dog' or 'jackass' often highly appropriate.

Rose jabbed her cigarette at Enid and said, "I served my time in LaLaLand and if any of those bastards tell you to talk into the mike and they pull out the yogurt cannon - just remember - you're a lady! Pull up your knickers, steal their wallet, and get the hell out of there!

Like all great adventures, this one started with someone trying to get laid. King Menelaus didn’t go to Troy for the baklava.

And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finallylost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned thatNetflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill.And if you’re just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence.