5,226 Quotes About Humour

Probably your biggest mistake was doing funk-dance to Unchained Melody,” the dog offered earnestly. “It’s a ballad, Alf, and to be honest, it’s one of the slowest songs I can think of. You’d have been better off doing a slow waltz to something with that tempo. The other factor may have been the large amount of beer you consumed beforehand.

I made a deal with sharks. I don't swim near them and they don't play cricket.

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.

one blow in anger [would] kill, probably, a child from aged two to eight. Those over eight would take two blows to kill.

I’ve spoken to Sid,” she admits. “He says he’s never seen Charlie so bad. He won’t eat, he’s lost weight and he looks terrible. Sid says it’s the first time he’s ever been so bored by him that he’s considered smothering him.

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

The pillar of fire is prayerful faith.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.