1,018 Quotes About Witty

Husband's heart is always bigger than wife's. Because his fist is bigger than her's.

A psychic told me I could be a medium. I told her that was impossible as I'm an extra large!

A beach bum is just a blue-collar lounge lizard without a roof over their head.

He had pondered for twenty years the problem whether he loved liquor because it made him talk or whether he loved conversation because it made him thirsty

Change the subject...actually give me a cigarette, and then change the subject

Fuss not Darling, I have a high pain threshold, it's wonderful, best threshold I own

Luckily the smoke raised the alarm and everyone fled we don’t think any innocent people died. Although when the cavern collapsed two guards were crushed.” “Yeah I would have been disappointed too.” Jason grinned, his grin was soon wiped off his face when he noticed Dexter’s face change and disapproval of his joke.

The solicitor he selected, a Mr Makepeace, had demanded five thousand pounds up front, even before he took the top off his fountain pen, and then another five once he'd briefed Alex Redmayne, the barrister who would represent him in Court. Danny couldn't understand why he needed two lawyers to do the same job.

You're going to throw me naked into a pit and make me drench myself in baby lotion, aren't you?" BrideYou live in New Orleans, where they can't even dig a grave. So tell me where I'm going to find this pit?" Vane"It's an above ground pit." Bride"Hardly secretive." Vane"But possible," Bride