Oh I’d be more than happy to hold, I’ll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

Word of advice – never ask a terrorist the question ‘What would you do for a Klondike bar?’.

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there’s nothing more touching to a mother’s heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

Anyone else find it funny that Bernie Madoff’s last name is a homophone of ‘made-off’?

Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.

Anyone else find it funny that Bernie Madoff's last name is a homophone of 'made-off'?

There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.